Love, Actually

I created three New Year’s Intentions for 2013.

The first: to launch my 365 Days of Delight project, reminding myself that each day and moment matters, regardless of what’s going on around me. (See January entries here).

The second: to develop a career plan, a roadmap of sorts, that I can put into action by June 2013 at the latest.

The third—the most elusive and tricky, but encompassing all three Intentions: to fall in love.

041I’ve managed to get this far in life without ever falling in love. Or rather, without ever allowing myself to fall in love. Lust, infatuation, admiration, longing—yes. Love—no.

And I’m not just referring to romantic love.

Well, that was my intention at first. But being of the more inquisitive and probing sort, I of course began to think more deeply about it. Why do you want to fall in love? Why now? Why haven’t you allowed love to touch your life thus far? In what ways do you shut it out? What impact has this avoidance had on your life? What are you committed to doing now to turn this around?

I’ve kind of tiptoed around love, I think. Chosen not to give my whole heart to any deserving person or thing for fear that I would be found lacking and be burned at the stake for it. I see it in action now, when I consider certain career choices: I’m afraid to commit fully, to fall in love with any of these choices because…what if I don’t like it? What if it doesn’t like me? What if I turn out to be an utter failure? And goodness gracious—what if I turn out to be a success?? So I reign in my natural excitement and enthusiasm. Tell myself sternly to settle down, to shackle all love impulses.

But I want love in my life. I really do. In all its manifestations.

Love is passion. Love is risk. Love is commitment. Love is embracing possibility even when satisfaction is not guaranteed. Love is taking a leap of faith. Love is reveling in one moment of joy even when anxiety lurks around the corner. Love is saying, “Why not me?” Love makes room for fear, failure and rejection, and then transforms them into powerful allies. Love is an open heart.

This Intention, then, is about falling in love with my life as it is today (the 365 Days of Delight project).

It’s about falling in love with all the myriad ways my career and calling may manifest (my career roadmap).

And it’s about falling in love in a traditional, romantic sense (maintaining an open heart and mind). I’ll be sure to let you know when this part happens!

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2 thoughts on “Love, Actually

  1. kensbackhome

    Good luck on your love quest. Fear of rejection or failure are symptoms of believing you are unlovable and incapable, neither of which is true. So just realize who you truly are, then fall in love with that person first. Sounds conceited and selfish I know, but oddly it seems to be the key that opens the door to more love.

    Just my $.02 worth…

    Reply
    1. YRK Post author

      Thank you for your encouragement! You’re absolutely right about having to love yourself first–without that you can’t get very far. And I’m finding your observation to be true: genuine self-love does lead to a bigger heart and more room for love.

      Reply

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