She’s Baaaaack – Part 1

Well, whaddya know—I’m still alive.

More to the point, my blog still lives. Let’s hope I can get to more than one post per year this year!

Last year I set love as an Intention for 2013, to see it manifest in my daily life, my career, and in a romantic partner.

I got the ball rolling in a variety of ways: a surprise opportunity to manage a bed & breakfast; connecting and re-connecting with friends and family in ways I hadn’t before; and yes, experiencing a taste of romance (the full spread waits in the wings).

But this year, 2014, I’m looking to take things to another level. I’m looking for breakthroughs.

Specifically, breakthroughs in the areas of love and relationships, home, and career. And not necessarily in that order.

But I’ll start with Love, since that’s the heart and source of everything else.

For this year I set the Intention to love more deeply, open my heart wider, risk feeling more joy, satisfaction, happiness, disappointment, heartache. To live and love more fully.

I want to expand the boundaries of the love I’m capable of giving and receiving. To learn to accept and embrace the ways in which people love me, understanding that they will love as they are able, as far as their limits and imperfections allow. I’m learning to love myself better, to tap into that internal space where no judgment or condemnation exists. Only a deep, abiding love, patience, understanding and complete acceptance. In this space even the harshest truths find a soft place to land. The more time I spend in this space, the more my heart expands, giving, receiving and accepting love in all its forms, regardless of imperfections, including my own.

From this space I can continue to dream big, open my heart even wider to love in my life because love always abounds, whether I receive it from the people or circumstances in my life or not. There’s always, always another chance to love better and sweeter, to receive love more openly and graciously. And this year I strive towards this goal.

Home is a new Intention for 2014. It’s one manifestation of love I haven’t allowed to flourish in nearly two decades. I have lost count of the number of apartments I’ve lived in since leaving the home of my youth. My mother half-joked with me years ago that she has to have a separate address book just for me — by now she likely has two. I’ve lived in multiple cities and dozens of apartments, but have never claimed any of them as Home. I always seem to take with me a sense of non-commitment, a temporary mindset, when I move into a new place. Not much on the walls, just a few personal touches, and a largely impersonal feel. It’s as if I’m waiting for something (or someone?) to tell me, “Put Stakes Down Here.”

Well, something IS urging me to put down roots now. But it’s something internal, deep, telling me it’s time to claim my Home. I admit that this thought frightens me, fills me with agitation and nervousness. I’m afraid of being tied down, tethered to one place, not being able to flee when the going gets tough or boring. I’m afraid of my freedom being intruded upon in any capacity.

But I’m starting to realize that I need Home if I want to continue to grow in love and life. Home is the diving board from which I can launch myself into the world. Home is the ball of twine on the ground that allows a kite to soar in the wind, dipping and diving and having a good old time. Without this ball of twine to ground it, the kite would simply drift aimlessly away. Home IS freedom.

More on my Career Intentions in the next post.

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