Tag Archives: love

She’s Baaaaack – Part 1

Well, whaddya know—I’m still alive.

More to the point, my blog still lives. Let’s hope I can get to more than one post per year this year!

Last year I set love as an Intention for 2013, to see it manifest in my daily life, my career, and in a romantic partner.

I got the ball rolling in a variety of ways: a surprise opportunity to manage a bed & breakfast; connecting and re-connecting with friends and family in ways I hadn’t before; and yes, experiencing a taste of romance (the full spread waits in the wings).

But this year, 2014, I’m looking to take things to another level. I’m looking for breakthroughs.

Specifically, breakthroughs in the areas of love and relationships, home, and career. And not necessarily in that order.

But I’ll start with Love, since that’s the heart and source of everything else.

For this year I set the Intention to love more deeply, open my heart wider, risk feeling more joy, satisfaction, happiness, disappointment, heartache. To live and love more fully.

I want to expand the boundaries of the love I’m capable of giving and receiving. To learn to accept and embrace the ways in which people love me, understanding that they will love as they are able, as far as their limits and imperfections allow. I’m learning to love myself better, to tap into that internal space where no judgment or condemnation exists. Only a deep, abiding love, patience, understanding and complete acceptance. In this space even the harshest truths find a soft place to land. The more time I spend in this space, the more my heart expands, giving, receiving and accepting love in all its forms, regardless of imperfections, including my own.

From this space I can continue to dream big, open my heart even wider to love in my life because love always abounds, whether I receive it from the people or circumstances in my life or not. There’s always, always another chance to love better and sweeter, to receive love more openly and graciously. And this year I strive towards this goal.

Home is a new Intention for 2014. It’s one manifestation of love I haven’t allowed to flourish in nearly two decades. I have lost count of the number of apartments I’ve lived in since leaving the home of my youth. My mother half-joked with me years ago that she has to have a separate address book just for me — by now she likely has two. I’ve lived in multiple cities and dozens of apartments, but have never claimed any of them as Home. I always seem to take with me a sense of non-commitment, a temporary mindset, when I move into a new place. Not much on the walls, just a few personal touches, and a largely impersonal feel. It’s as if I’m waiting for something (or someone?) to tell me, “Put Stakes Down Here.”

Well, something IS urging me to put down roots now. But it’s something internal, deep, telling me it’s time to claim my Home. I admit that this thought frightens me, fills me with agitation and nervousness. I’m afraid of being tied down, tethered to one place, not being able to flee when the going gets tough or boring. I’m afraid of my freedom being intruded upon in any capacity.

But I’m starting to realize that I need Home if I want to continue to grow in love and life. Home is the diving board from which I can launch myself into the world. Home is the ball of twine on the ground that allows a kite to soar in the wind, dipping and diving and having a good old time. Without this ball of twine to ground it, the kite would simply drift aimlessly away. Home IS freedom.

More on my Career Intentions in the next post.

Love, Actually

I created three New Year’s Intentions for 2013.

The first: to launch my 365 Days of Delight project, reminding myself that each day and moment matters, regardless of what’s going on around me. (See January entries here).

The second: to develop a career plan, a roadmap of sorts, that I can put into action by June 2013 at the latest.

The third—the most elusive and tricky, but encompassing all three Intentions: to fall in love.

041I’ve managed to get this far in life without ever falling in love. Or rather, without ever allowing myself to fall in love. Lust, infatuation, admiration, longing—yes. Love—no.

And I’m not just referring to romantic love.

Well, that was my intention at first. But being of the more inquisitive and probing sort, I of course began to think more deeply about it. Why do you want to fall in love? Why now? Why haven’t you allowed love to touch your life thus far? In what ways do you shut it out? What impact has this avoidance had on your life? What are you committed to doing now to turn this around?

I’ve kind of tiptoed around love, I think. Chosen not to give my whole heart to any deserving person or thing for fear that I would be found lacking and be burned at the stake for it. I see it in action now, when I consider certain career choices: I’m afraid to commit fully, to fall in love with any of these choices because…what if I don’t like it? What if it doesn’t like me? What if I turn out to be an utter failure? And goodness gracious—what if I turn out to be a success?? So I reign in my natural excitement and enthusiasm. Tell myself sternly to settle down, to shackle all love impulses.

But I want love in my life. I really do. In all its manifestations.

Love is passion. Love is risk. Love is commitment. Love is embracing possibility even when satisfaction is not guaranteed. Love is taking a leap of faith. Love is reveling in one moment of joy even when anxiety lurks around the corner. Love is saying, “Why not me?” Love makes room for fear, failure and rejection, and then transforms them into powerful allies. Love is an open heart.

This Intention, then, is about falling in love with my life as it is today (the 365 Days of Delight project).

It’s about falling in love with all the myriad ways my career and calling may manifest (my career roadmap).

And it’s about falling in love in a traditional, romantic sense (maintaining an open heart and mind). I’ll be sure to let you know when this part happens!