March 2013

Day 60 (Mar 1)

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It is a poignant moment for me as I bid farewell to our outgoing manager. It’s the beginning of a new phase of life for both of us. She hands me the keys — the passing of the baton — and I’m now officially in the General Manager’s seat.

Day 61 (Mar 2)

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One of my neighbors shows up in the lobby tonight with blood all over his face and no recollection of what happened. I don’t know him at all except for a brief introduction months ago. But as the paramedics treat him and try to understand his bizarre confusion, I feel a strange connection to him. A deep empathy that drives me to pray for him — a wordless and formless prayer that seems to know all things. And for a brief moment I catch a glimpse of just how deeply and powerfully connected we are as humans and spiritual beings.

Day 62 (Mar 3)

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Two new pairs of shoes. Only the second time in the last 18 months that I have purchased a non-essential item for myself, and I am pleased and excited! These new shoes symbolize a new beginning, the first steps in this new chapter of my life. I look forward to the places they will take me!

Day 63 (Mar 4)

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Today is the first day of the first full week of my first gig as a general manager of a B&B. It is the first day of my new beginning. I am thankful for this chance to start over, to discover new aspects of myself, to apply myself and my gifts in a way that adds value not only to my own life, but to that of all the people I encounter on a daily basis.

Day 64 (Mar 5)

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I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I detest waking up early. But when I open my eyes to a sight like this I feel immeasurably blessed, touched, connected to life in a way I don’t feel at any other time of the day. It’s another new beginning, the dawning of a new day.

Day 65 (Mar 6)

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Thick, fat snowflakes come racing, tumbling out of the sky today, and I am mesmerized by the sight. The camera does not come remotely close to capturing the beauty of this moment.

Day 66 (Mar 7)

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For the first time in…I don’t even remember how long…I get home from work before dark. I step out of the metro station and can’t help but look around in wonder. As I wait at the corner for the light to change, it occurs to me that this is another tangible sign that the course of my life has changed. A confirmation and affirmation of a new beginning.

Day 67 (Mar 8)

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These shoes have helped me traverse the bumpy terrain of my first full week as manager. I sit here in the quiet contemplating this fact, and feeling a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment for having gotten off to a good start. Despite the fact that I detest having to wake up at 6am, I feel like a kid in a room full of Lego pieces: deliciously intrigued and captivated by all the possibilities and challenges before me.

Day 68 (Mar 9)

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It’s a busy morning as I have to cover a lot of ground in a few short hours. But I have the last of my triple ginger snaps waiting for me at the end of my journey. There’s barely a crumb left by the time I’m done. It’s triple the pleasure and triple the satisfaction. Not to mention triple the craving for more!

Day 69 (Mar 10)

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I’ve been going through a lot of change and transition over the last six weeks. Sometimes I feel the turbulence of these changes like a wallop–that sense of displacement, unsettledness, fatigue and deep loneliness. But in the midst of it all, I close my eyes and feel a gentle presence soothing me, laying a hand on my face and giving me comfort.

Day 70 (Mar 11)

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I love the extra light at day’s end with Daylight Saving Time. But I could do without the extra darkness at day’s beginning. That’s why I savor sleeping in this morning and giving my body an extra day to adjust to the shock of waking up essentially one hour earlier.

Day 71 (Mar 12)

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It was a dark and stormy morning. Raining cats and dogs, and some sheep and goats thrown in. But when I leave work I am greeted by this glorious burst of sunshine, reminding me of the promise of spring bestowed to us in every raindrop and every ray of golden sunlight.

Day 72 (Mar 13)

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The cold seeps under my clothes and into my bones today. Mostly because I am not sufficiently layered on a day when I expected warmer temperatures. And after a lovely Indian dinner with a good friend, I walk to the metro station with the chilly wind break-dancing around me and turning me into a shivering, chattering blob. At home now, I wrap myself in my fleece robe and let my hot tea erase every vestige of cold from my body and spirit.

Day 73 (Mar 14)

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This afternoon I feel as if the light at the end of the tunnel has finally come close enough to touch me. Various people, situations, conversations, observations fill my day and leave me with a glad and hopeful heart.

Day 74 (Mar 15)

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Tonight I feel sweet anticipation well up inside me. The knowledge that tomorrow is Saturday, and I get to sleep in, stirs up delicious curls and swirls of sensation inside me. I feel the tight knot of tension gripping me for weeks begin to loosen, little by little. I see myself starting to lean forward into the future, eager, intrigued and captivated by all the possibilities my job creates. Sweet anticipation.

Day 75 (Mar 16)

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It’s good to feel lighthearted and content again, after weeks of wading through the heaviness of change of transition. Challenges still lie around the corner, but for now, today, I’m reveling in the light.

Day 76 (Mar 17)

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Another thing that’s taken a back seat these past six or so weeks: my social life. Today I get a chance to rectify that with old and new friends, a reunion of sorts with some of my graduate school friends and colleagues. It’s a chance to catch up, laugh, play and simply connect, and I feel immensely blessed.

Day 77 (Mar 18)

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My first instinct when I’m faced with a challenge or dilemma is to be a lone ranger, to figure it all out by myself. I have always been that way. I am blessed today, though, by two people in my life who remind me that I don’t have to go it alone, that it is okay to ask for and accept help and support when I need it. I don’t have to carry my burdens alone.

Day 78 (Mar 19)

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I love the way the setting sun lights up this church. It fairly glows. The sight of it makes me glad that I’ve chosen to walk to the metro station at a slow pace, with no regard for whether I miss my train or not. It reminds me of the value of slowing down and taking it all in.

Day 79 (Mar 20)

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I feel unfocused today. Pulled in multiple directions and unsure of where true north lies. But I feel an invisible hand touching me, guiding me, and helping me to keep my eyes on the things that truly matter.

Day 80 (Mar 21)

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After a very long (but very good) day, my feet begin screaming for relief. The same shoes that had felt so heavenly in the store a few weeks ago are now wreaking hellish havoc on my feet. I almost weep with relief when I’m finally able to sit down at home with my comfy, SOFT slippers.

Day 81 (Mar 22)

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I encounter someone today who challenges me to think big. She practically strongholds me and dares me to think of myself in a different light, to expand the borders of my assumptions. And it makes me think, maybe it’s time to set the bar higher, to dare to want more for myself.

Day 82 (Mar 23)

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I am standing on a street corner, bathed in brilliant sunshine, telling a friend about my week at work. I feel a surge of energy and passion pouring through me as I relate my ups and downs, and I realize that I have never felt this way about a job before. This is the first time in my entire career that I feel fully plugged in, engaged, energized. Charged.

Day 83 (Mar 24)

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I feel spiritually and emotionally depleted today. My tank is in desperate need of refueling. So I choose to spend the day at home, allowing myself some suddenly-scarce ME time. Then I turn to music, that ever-powerful conduit to the heavens, and commune with God, body, soul and spirit. The music flows through me, filling the empty spaces and lifting my spirits.

Day 84 (Mar 25)

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Mango. The fruit of the gods. I spend extra for the pre-sliced version, but it’s oh, so worth it. Tonight this is both dinner and dessert for me!

Day 85 (Mar 26)

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I’ve been worrying over a particular uncertainty in my life, searching for a quick resolution and feeling anxious when none appears. Today a gentle but insistent message presses in on me: Let it go. Lean into the uncertainty, trust God, and watch the doors open before you.

Day 86 (Mar 27)

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“Sit quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.” – Zen proverb. I am on my way to a meeting, my mind anxiously gnawing on one dilemma after another, when I notice the burgeoning signs of spring all around. The words of this proverb whisper to me through every blossom and blade of grass. They remind me, yet again, to let go, to trust the process, and to let nature take its course.

Day 87 (Mar 28)

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Another sunrise. Another reminder that this is a new day, the unfolding of a new chapter, the promise of a new beginning. This is a message the universe seems to want me to embrace, not just once, but over and over again.

Day 88 (Mar 29)

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It’s 11pm and I suddenly decide I’ve had enough of my messy surroundings. When I’m very busy or stressed, the first thing to fall off my plate is ALWAYS cleaning. I hate cleaning. And as I’ve been very busy AND stressed for the past 2 months, well…you can imagine the results. So tonight I get started on clearing the clutter clinging to my physical and mental space, and I feel like I can breathe again.

Day 89 (Mar 30)

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I’m sitting in church for the Easter vigil service. I feel blessed to be here, to be a part of this moving spiritual experience. The light I hold in my hand illuminates and reinforces God’s message to me tonight: “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.”

 

Day 90 (Mar 31)

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Solitude. Sweet, blessed solitude. Tonight it’s just me and my couch. No obligations, no chores that have to be done (except for adding this entry). This is treasured space and time for me and I soak it up.

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